Share-a-Smile Becky (The Next Generation)

I just love those optical illusion pics where something in the background looks like it's part of the person. Like that awesome devil Pope one. But, this one is even awesomer.
Seriously, I kept staring at this pic, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with those sticks that seemed to be propping up the real-life-Barbie-clothed Roselyn Sanchez.

At first, I thought she had had specially designed, really trendy forearm crutches. "What a great idea, to make the armband part look like bangle bracelets," I thought. The stick parts did seem awfully narrow to fully support someone, but I just figured that was the power of space-age polymers for ya. They must just only be available to B-list celebrities.

And, wouldn't it be just like Mattel to not only outfit a real live woman in Barbie clothes but to also give her some assistive devices and then give her some condescending shit name. Like they did with Wheelchair Barbie, aka Share-a-Smile Becky. This one'd be You're-So-Brave Brianna. Or maybe Inspirational Ivette.

Alas, I noticed the sticks didn't quite match up, and Really-Heroic Roselyn didn't have forearm crutches after all.

I was left to conclude that she was going full-out with the Barbie allusions and had fashioned a special stand to hold her up as she modeled her I-Threw-Up-Cotton-Candy-All-Over-My-Torso gown. The poles must clip to her butt and hold her and her permanently molded high-heeled feet in the upright position. (Her standing frame, if you will).

Then, I realized I had somehow missed those heads coming out of her shoulders, so distracted was I by the crutches. It is pre-judgment like mine that oppresses the disabled, you know. See the person, not the disability. Or, people, as the case may be. Because, obviously, it's really the new conjoined triplets Barbie model, Friends-Stick-Together Francesca, Fara, and Frieda. I am horribly ashamed.

But, after much staring--as any possible physical difference warrants, of course--I ascertained that she was not, in fact, suffering from conjoined triplet two-dimensional myslexia. Alas, it was just a poster on a stand behind her. But the dress? Still not an optical illusion. And that, really, is for shame.